I don’t know if I fully buy into the saying that youth is wasted on the young.
However, I do know that spring break is wasted on the young.
Why do a bunch of college students need to get away to nice, warm locales for a week? They are still months or years away from having to begin the decades-long process of paying off their crushing student loan debt.
It’s time to turn things around and make spring break an annual event for those who really need it — those of us who are on the verge of undergoing a mid-life crises at any second.
I’m ready to go after this past week.
And this desire to going spring breakin’ doesn’t entirely stem from the fact that we seem to be stuck in a Bizarro World “Game of Thrones” where “Winter Isn’t Leaving.”
(Has anybody checked to see if there is a plan being developed in case the snow and ice hasn’t melted off the route for the Nebraska State Fair Marathon in August?)
Rather, I mainly want to get away to forget about the death of Luke Perry, one of my high school classmates.
OK, full disclosure before I get lumped in with all that other “fake news” out there.
I did not attend school with Luke Perry, the actor who passed away on Monday at the age of 52 after suffering a massive stroke.
But my high school graduation did take place during the same year as those on the memorable 1990s TV shows “Beverly Hills, 90210” and “Saved by the Bell.”
So I consider Brandon, Brenda, Dylan, Steve, David, Andrea, Donna, Zack, A.C., Screech, Kelly, Jessie and Lisa to all be members of my class.
Actually, they would more than double the number of people who graduated high school with me. I’m glad I didn’t have to sit through that many diplomas being handed out.
So the death of an actor who “graduated” high school when I did — even if he was a 26-year-old playing a senior — can come close to initiating one of those mid-life crises.
Bring on spring break.
While the young whippersnappers may laugh at the thought of us old people going on vacation in droves every March, I think we are actually well prepared for it.
I hear that for many of these college spring breakers, going to sleep at 10 a.m. is a common occurrence.
Guess what? It is for me too.
That is usually when I’m ready for my first nap of the day.
After a high quality spring break, the details of what happened are often fuzzy in the memory banks.
Guess what? The details of what I ate for lunch are often fuzzy in the memory banks shortly after I place the dishes in the sink.
I’m living the high life, too.
The memory isn’t all that can be fuzzy for spring breakers. So can the vision for much of the trip.
Guess what? My vision is often fuzzy because of my rebellious nature, which leads me to insist to myself that there is no way that I am at the age where I really, really need to get bifocals.
Spring breakers brag about how much they are drinking 24/7.
Guess what? I’m happy to brag about how much I am drinking, too! If I don’t down enough water, I’m at risk of waking up in the middle of the night with searing calf cramps. Chugging my water can save me from that agony.
Spring breakers love to dance to the same five current most popular songs over and over and over again.
Guess what? I can listen to the five best songs from my college days over and over and over again. And that was back when music was good.
I’ll even bust a few moves and dance, too, if my knees aren’t sore and I don’t need to rush to the bathroom due to all of my drinking (water).
So I recommend all the college students planning to head to a warmer environment over the next few weeks cancel their trips. Spend some extra time studying.
Wait for the day that you too are old enough to enjoy spring break.
Dale Miller is a sports writer for the Independent. Once a week he wanders away from the sports department to offer his take on non-sports related topics. Email him at email@example.com.